the miniature veal and chicken loaf at zabars. i know -- who would ever buy that -- but slice it up and it makes AWESOME sandwiches (with pickles and mustard).

don't move from brooklyn if you can help it -- you will miss it...

see if you can't get k-dunk over at morethandonuts to take you to the red hook pool -- fabulous!

dont space out and get involved in a massive doodle fest during the human resources orientation at your new job like your friend pnj did (no matter how mindnumbingly boring it seems) -- as it turns out it is nearly impossible to figure out one's benefits forms if you weren't listening.

oh -- here's a little advice for all the tourists i see out on their nature walks here -- that pretty green plant with the three leaves, the one that is everywhere and sprouts that cluster of berries -- that's what we in new england call POISON IVY.

the fung wah bus! only ten bucks from nyc to boston. leaves every hour on the hour from chinatown to chinatown. air conditioned motor coach. also recommended - the faq link on their website at fungwahbus.com

fish sandwiches

there are lots of different fried fish sandwiches here on martha's vineyard. here are a few of the best

linda jeans -- in oak bluffs. nice flaky piece of deep fried haddock or maybe hake. fresh, very lightly battered, on a sesame seed roll with good tartar sauce and cole slaw right on top of the sandwich (you can get it on the side -- but it is better on top). served with fries. a pnj staple.

the bite -- in menemsha. often flounder or sole. tender, sweet, flaky, fresh fish. the lightest batter on earth. crispy, but somehow miraculously greaseless. thin shoe string fries. incredible.

the artcliffe diner -- in vineyard haven. usually cod or haddock. pan fried in cornmeal. very fresh, very homemade and fabulous. homemade lemon mayonnaise on a lovely roll. your choice of fries, potato salad, or green salad. yummy.

the clam bar -- in oak bluffs. fresh, thin, flaky, deep fried and lightly breaded fish, on a roll with good tartar sauce and fries. take out only. always good.

schnack -- on union between columbia and hicks. yummmmmmmmmmy!!! highly recommended: the single schnack burgers (order at least 2); vanilla milk shake, and the sjwoska sausage with saurkraut and mustard. and cheap too....

ASSSSCAT -- the show from the upright citizens brigade at the ucb theater on 26th street (which it turns out is below a gristedes) anyhow -- totally hilarious and only ten bucks -- and a big hooha to brittany for first turning me on to the upright citizens brigade...

this advice solely for realtors: shut up and let me look around the apartment! your suggestion that i could demolish four walls and install a bubbling brook and a jacuzzi are not helpful.

oh my-- if you are into this sort of thing -- pnj highly recommends that you get your butt in gear and head on up to the guggenheim to see the mathew barney show - the cremaster cycle (and major respect to neil for recommending it to me). it is beyond bizarre, but lots of fun, and absolutely the kind of thing that is fun to ponder for days afterwards.

it is also recommended that you bring thatcher and k-dunk with you -- so that they can explain it to you -- as they did for me.

#1 Dumpling House on eldridge -- just north of grand. (a big hoo haa to amy who recommended this place). this place is cheap, cheap, cheap. i mean ridiculously cheap -- in fact, pnj felt like something of an asshole for paying so little for her amazingly fresh and delicious meal (though of course she made up for it with her customary charm and glamour). few seats, a short counter, dumplings galore (including vegetarian ones) and the fluffiest sesame pancake on the planet.

here's some advice to you little sweater wearing dogs. pokey dont like that prissy fashionista dog crap -- and she's not afraid to let you know

AMANDLA -- the new documentary about the role of music in the South African liberation struggle. miriam makeba, hugh masekela, ibrahim abdalla, and more.

see if you can't get Chris Wolf to make you a compilation CD... he is from now on my ultimate arbiter of music...

To the chick I saw on the subway today -- here is a little advice.

yes, you look very sexy in your mini skirt and boots. good for you. you also look like a complete moron -- one who is so vain and in need of attention that they would go out bare legged in twenty degree weather. get it together girl.

Damascus Bakery

of course anyone from the greater brooklyn hood knows all about sahadi's. and yes, they continue to rule. But did you all know that after you finish at sahadi's you must then walk about three or four doors down atlantic (towards court st.) and visit the damascus bakery? beyond yum!! and cheap to boot. recommended: lammejun (individual lamb pizzas), whole wheat spinach and feta pies, mamoul (i prefer the pistachio ones, but today they had only walnut and were still yummy), bird's nest, fresh pita bread. do yourself a favor -- damascus bakery -- on atlantic ave, between court and clinton.

Los Pollitos II

on fifth ave between degraw and douglass. (bkyln). supremely yummy, muy autentico, and wicked cheap. recommended: the chicken mole tamale; roast pork tacos; veggie gorditas; and the homemade flan.

well -- for the most amazingly relaxing and completely fabulous vacation spot on earth - go to Siwind no jet skis, a minimum of dick-head spring breakers and other such types, and a maximum of chill. and a big shout out to celeste and david who run the place and are beyond fabulous.

for absolutely excellent vegetarian chinese food (and good prices) i highly recommend: The Greens on Montague Street (Corner of Henry) in Brooklyn Heights. And they deliver to Carroll Gardens! Highlights include: The Green Noodle Soup, Sunrise on the Pagoda, Battered Soy GLuten with sesame sauce, sauteed green peas cashew nust and mushroom. yummy - and as the owners of The Greens like to point out: "You'll feel the difference".

really i do recommend the following - hilarious!!! Things my girlfriend and I have argued about

and big props to my cousin for unearthing the above -- his own also hilarious musings can be found at Paul's Boutique

here's some advice -- if you run a fancy french bakery you can go ahead and call it "pumpkin pie" -- "punkin' pie" makes it sound like a my little pony character.

the hope and anchor on van brundt and wollcott in red hook. yummy yummy pancakes -- only 5 bucks!! also recommended -- the chorizo hash....

there are some creepy signs out there that leg warmers might be making a comeback. don't fall for it. gauchos is one thing -- leg warmers another entirely. just because a bunch of drama nerds somehow have managed to help shape our aesthetics doesn't mean we all need to walk around looking like we are auditioning for the local production of footloose.

here's a little advice for anyone tempted by the pumpkin muffin at mazzola bakery on henry street. yes, it is indeed truly yummy -- so eat it right away. as it turns out the muffin is also capable in the course of brief subway ride of seeping through the wax paper, the white paper bag, a manilla folder and several sheets of copy paper in amazingly greenish orangish oily ick.

delicatessen -- the take out place on clinton and verandah place -- next to the cobble hill park. and a big shout out to chris wolf who recommended it! yummy fresh and cheap. i especially recommend the egg salad (it had dill in it -- which sounds weird i know, but turns out to be completely yummy). also good -- the veal meatloaf sandwich.

get off your ass and head down to the Superfine Restaurant at 126 Front Street at Pearl in Dumbo. Not only is there yummy food and a good bar -- but currently there are some super excellent photos there by eliot -- you may have seen some of his work at slower.net. also some cool stuff hanging by someone named pasquala... stop at the acoustic installation by the park on your way out. and if you hurry you may just catch the amazing banana mound before it rots.

if you're in the neighborhood, i recommend a stroll down 1st place between clinton and henry. good halloween decoration block.

o.k. listen hard to this. turn your f-ing cell phone off in the library. its a library.

Abra therapeutic skin care intesive skin refining cellular exfoliation alpha enzyme peel. like a baby's butt. and props to danica who discovered it and gave it to me as a present.

do you have cable tv? the Larry Sanders Show -- 2 episodes back to back every night at 10 on BRAVO. gary shandling rules.

pet pokey on her tummy, she likes that.

Italian Ice Advice:

If you are in Carroll Gardens in Brooklyn and looking for a frosty treat, then pinkynicejuice has some advice to offer. Lest you question my advice -- let me remind you that I am a former vendor of ices from back in the day when I had a pushcart in lower manhattan, and so i have eaten a ridiculously large number of them.

First, go to the Court Street Pastry Shop, on Court Street (duh), and get the "custard" ice. It is delecious beyond belief. Now I know that "custard" sounds weird like its going to be eggy or something - but its not. It is kind of nutmeg flavor and has the occasional sliced almond in it, and is a really gorgeous almond color. Don't get it anywhere else, Court St. is the only place that makes it this way. If that isn't your cup of tea -- then go around the corner on Henry Street (between Union and Sackett) to Uncle Louie Gs and order the Honey Dew. It is insanely good and completely refreshing.

A related piece of advice: while you are there getting your ice, you may start feeling greedy -- maybe it makes more sense to get a pint or a quart and bring it home and keep it in your freezer, you think. Well don't do it -- the ice hardens up in your freezer and lacks that fluffy snowy quality that made it so good in the first place...

A word of caution from deep Setswana.....

"Smiling teeth can kill"

Here's my advice to you: eat at Esposito's Jersey Pork Store. It's on Court Street between Union and President in Brooklyn, NY. You will recognize it by the enormous ceramic pig wearing a chef's outfit out front. It is only to take out. Recommendations include: meatballs, sauce, sausage and broccoli rabe, fried eggplant, arancini rice balls (get the ones with ground beef and peas -- NOT the cheese ones), italian hero, homemade salami.

The guys at the pork store also have a little advice for you emblazoned on a wooden sign hanging over the deli counter- and I, pinkynicejuice will now pass it along.

"It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice."

just cause it's in fashion doesnt mean you have to wear it, if you know what i mean....